


About Qui-Gon

by whereiismymindd



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Funny, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 17:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10598907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereiismymindd/pseuds/whereiismymindd
Summary: Anakin wants to know more about his former Master's relationship with Qui-Gon. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan doesn't feel like sharing the juicy details.





	

“So, Master…”

“Yes, Anakin?”

“You and Qui-Gon.”

“What about me and Qui-Gon?”

“You slept together.”

“Anakin!”

“What? You did! Didn’t you? You must have. I know for a _fact_ you’re not celibate.”

“Anakin…”

“I’m just asking a question. We’re a couple. We should be able to talk about anything.”

“Have you not heard that it isn’t polite to talk about an ex with your current lover?”

“Well, technically you’re not the one talking about him. I am. So… how was it?”

“I beg your pardon.”

“Oh, come on, Master! Tell me about him. I’m curious.”

“I don’t care, Anakin. I don’t discuss my sex life.”

“Well, that’s not true. We discuss our sex life. In fact, we discussed it in detail this morning when you told me about that naughty dream you had…”

“That’s _our_ sex life! What happened between my Master and me will stay between us.”

“But, Obi-Wan…”

“End of discussion, Anakin.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

…

…

“So…”

“Yes, Anakin?”

“Would you say Qui-Gon was a powerful man? You know… dominant?”

“Anakin…”

“What?”

“I know what you’re really asking.”

“I’m just asking about his personality.”

“You should know, you met him.”

“Well, yeah, but I was just a kid. I don’t really remember.”

“Well, he was a Jedi Master.”

“Okay… So… Would you say you were more of a submissive?”

“What exactly are you talking about?”

“I’m just establishing the dynamic of your relationship, Master.”

“Well, I was his padawan.”

“I used to be your padawan and I wouldn’t say I’m submissive.”

“And that’s why nobody ever called you the perfect padawan.”

“That’s not fair, Master. I wasn’t that bad.”

“You weren’t that great, either.”

“You’re always so mean to me.”

“I’m sorry. You deserved a better master. It’s Qui-Gon’s fault, he told me to train you.”

“And yet you won’t tell me anything about him!”

“You’re not asking me about him! You’re asking about our sex life, which is none of your business.”

“I was asking about his personality. Was he generous?”

“Very generous.”

“You must have had fun, then.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well…  I mean… Helping other people. You like helping people.”

“Do you know what I really like, Anakin?”

“When I am down on my knees and…”

“Do you know what I really really _really_ like, Anakin?”

“What, Master?”

“Being alone.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have asked the Council to keep us together, then.”

“Worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

“Don’t get mad, Obi-Wan. I just want to get to know my Grand-Master. He must have been an amazing man.”

“Yes, he was…”

“Was he loud?”

“Oh, for the love of…”

“What? I’m just asking, you know, if he was a loud talker. When I was taking Astronomy, there was this padawan in my class who was so quiet, we didn’t even know her name, and every time she had to read, we had to ask her to do it again like twenty times before…”

“Anakin.”

“Yes?”

“I got the idea.”

“Okay.”

…

“So, was he?”

“He wasn’t loud, Anakin. I don’t know. He was normal. Does that answer your question?”

“Well, you’re normal, but you’re very very loud…”

“If I remember correctly, you were the one screaming my name last night.”

“Oh, wow, Master. And here I was, thinking you were a prude.”

“You should know better. I just don’t want to discuss my relationship with Qui-Gon. And you should respect that. I don’t go around the temple telling people what we do every night.”

“Oh, you don’t?

“Why do you sound disappointed?”

“How are they supposed to know you’re mine if you don’t tell people how good I make you feel!”

“Everybody knows we are together, Anakin. We live together, we eat together, we train together, we go on missions together. I’m pretty sure they know about our relationship.”

“I know, but I want them to know you’re mine.”

“I’m also pretty sure they know that if anyone gets too close to me, you will cut them in half with your lightsaber.”

“Damn right I will! But, all the same, you should contribute to the legend of Anakin, the Hero with No Fear and Amazing Lover.”

“I thought it was just ‘the Hero with No Fear’.”

“Well, it is, because you’re not telling people what an amazing lover I am!”

“It’s not like I’m ‘the Negotiator who Makes you Scream at Night’.”

…

“Anakin?”

…

“Anakin? What do people know about me?”

“Oh, they know about all the amazing qualities you have.”

“Oh, Force. Anakin, can’t we keep anything to ourselves?”

“Why do you want to hide our relationship?”

“I don’t want to hide it! I just want you to understand that some things are private and our sex life is one of those things!”

“Fine. I understand, Master. I promise to behave from now on and to stop talking about all the things you can do with your tongue…”

“I can’t believe it.”

“That was a joke, Master. I would never go into so much detail.”

“Sure, you wouldn’t.”

“I swear, Obi-Wan. I love you. Trust me, I would never embarrass you that much.”

“Okay. Thank you. I love you too.”

…

…

“Can we go on talking about Qui-Gon now?”

“No, we can’t.”

“It’s unfair. You know everything about my relationship with Padme!”

“I know about it because your shields were nonexistent when you were a teenager, not because I wanted to know.”

“It doesn’t matter, you still know more about me.”

“Well, I used to be your Master, of course I know more about you. I’ve trained you since you were nine.”

“I know! Please, Master, I want to talk about Qui-Gon. I need to know.”

“Well, too bad.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“I can make it up to you later, you know…”

“I don’t care. And it’s not like we won’t have sex even if I don’t tell you.”

“Obi-Wan!”

“We’re done, Anakin!”

“Okay. Well, anyway, I’m sure he had a huge…”

“ANAKIN!”

“Heart! Stars, Master, what did you think I was going to say? You have a one-track mind, I tell you.”


End file.
